Nichole's World :-)

Go here instead.

Maybe forever...maybe just moving to a new location...I'll let you know.

~NB

1. Nat and I are going to do the vegetarian thing for a month. Anyone have any good vegetarian (not necessarily vegan) websites/recipes?
2. I need a good place to do community service. My heart is not really into the humane society or nursing homes. It's likely that I couldn't commit to more than an hour or two every couple of weeks...or three to four a month at on a Saturday...any suggestions?

I found an old journal tonight...from my freshman year in college. With it was a devotional that Nat gave me after we started dating. The devotional is significant because it changed the course of my life, forever.

It's amazing to see how my priorities have completely changed. Five years ago I was completely self-centered. I was focused on getting through school and starting my career. I wanted to be successful...everyone else in my life (ie a husband and kids) were going to have to wait until they could fit into my schedule and mold--without making waves. I was driven, but for all of the wrong reasons. Looking back I don't know that I can say that my priorities changed during college, but I can say that they changed because of college.

The changes have really occurred during the past year. While I am still selfish (aren't we all at this age?) I no longer want the same things in life. I made it through college and started my career, but my dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the desire to play Chutes and Ladders. The perfect mold was shattered about 3 months before graduation when I gave up my dream job for my husband to be. I am still driven, but for different goals. My focus now is on getting my life in order so that I can be a better wife and eventually a mother.

My priorities have morphed into OUR priorities. This does not mean that I am looking to have children anytime soon. See the above statement that I am still very selfish. What it does mean is that four years ago God set some amazing things in motion in my life and I finally feel like I understand what it means to be "the woman that God desires me to be..."

I've really been thinking about killing this thing. I guess I just don't feel the same satisfaction as some people by posting my every thought and feeling for the world to see. At any rate, sometimes the urge does hit...and that's why this is still here.

I've spent a lot of time lately observing people my age. People I've met here, people I know from work, people from various past lives...everyone really. One very common theme is marriage. Big surprise, right? The difference seems to be in how people approach it. Nat and I got married after 2 years of dating and over a year of being engaged. We didn't rush into the "I love yous" and "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." There was an emotional attachment there that wasn't rushed. At the time it was an absolutely madening experience, but looking back it allowed me to get to know Nat without thinking about forever...at least initially.

Lately there seems to be this trend of physically we will take everything slowly (some people to the point of not kissing until the wedding day--I know multiple people here), but emotionally we are going to be looking to the day we get married from day one. The physical part I don't care about--it's quite honestly none of my business, but the emotional connection is well...It's a bizzarre phenomenon to me. One that I can't seem to grasp the concept of.

Now I can't say that either method is right or wrong. I realize that what works for some, doesn't work for others. I just don't get it. I feel like in order to truly love someone you know to KNOW them. You have to understand that there are things about them that you don't like, but that you are ok with that.

Marriage is not all warm fuzzy feelings and happy thoughts. There's laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, bills to pay. Every night is not candlelight and roses...sometimes it's frozen pizza and a DVD. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful...I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's something you have to work your way into.

What am I getting at here? Basically nothing. Really I'm just making an observation about how relationships progress. I'll be interested to see how they move along from here....

I'm willing to bet that at some point in the last several months we have all either read or seen the phrase: "Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." Well...I now pose the question, what do you do when you realize that the person you have spent almost 23 years creating is not who you thought you would be?

I guess I could give the superficial post detailing the high and low points of the last two monts, but the truth is I don't want to. The fact is that I've had some stuff on my mind and since my journaling days have gone by the wayside this is the best place to do it.

What does Christianity mean? What does Christianity mean to me? I have gone to Church my whole life, but I truly gave my life to Christ in October of 1994. For those of you wondering, I was 12. I was at a retreat with a friend's youth group and the time just seemed right. The following year I was confirmed. Basically a Catholic right of passage. A time when you (as an adult) confirm the vows that your parents and godparents made at your baptism. At the time, I was also teaching a Sunday school class to 3 year olds.

Then came high school. I still attended church regularly, but I wasn't overly involved. I went to youth group with a friend for awhile, but eventually that dropped off. Ironically enough my high school boyfriend was Catholic too, but religion wasn't something that we had in our relationship.

Fast forward a few years to college. Ironically enough in the time when most people lose their pull to go to church and find themselves drifting away from God, I found myself being pulled to God. I began going to church whenever I could find a ride. Then I met Nat...

Nat and I really started going to church together when things between us started to get serious. We both agreed that things were moving towards marriage and that we wanted to go to church as a family if/when we got married. Thus, I left the Catholic church and began attending Maryland Community Church...a nondenominational Christian church.

That was a long walk down memory lane. So, what was the point? I guess I don't feel like I have grown as a Christian. I have the desire, but not the will to accomplish what I want. What does that mean? Well, for starters, I want to make reading the Bible a daily practice...yet it is so easy to fall behind. I want for people to know that I am a Christian by my actions and the fact that I am not afraid to tell them. In other words, I want to be the kind of woman that God wants me to be. I realized the other day that if you asked my co-workers none of them would know that I am a Christian. That is not how it should be.

I guess what I have always known, but am only just realizing is that giving your life to Christ does not automatically make everything easy. As in any relationship there is work involved. I have goals that I need to set and decisions that need to be made. I need to evaluate my life. The walk may not be easy, but I take comfort in knowing that I have a strong and faithful guide.